Monday, March 31, 2008


The only thing that exceeds the ability to purchase organic, gluten-free food products is to obnoxiously discuss doing the same. Insufferable nonsense. In the weekend calorie free-for-all, the calories won. Between the Dublin Mudslide AND Magic Brownie flavors there wasn't enough yoga in the world to combat those forces of delicious evil.

Family life has been restored. What makes me appreciate a little time alone is to have that alone time gloriously wiped out with the return of my daughter and husband.

It was Saturday afternoon and we were about halfway home when she decided to plan her triumphant reunion with the cats. "I will bring a few things with me from the car, but not all because I can go back out for the rest. Then, I'm gonna go wait by the door and run in place - because I'm too excited - while you open the door, and then I'm going to run inside and hug Dakota and then hug Sable!"

I understand this need of hers to plan. I find I do my best work when I visualize myself doing...whatever it is. I never thought I would be one of those people - the kind who need a wacky TECHNIQUE in order to do anything - but one of them, I am.

(It works, too. I'm pinching your head! I'm pinching your head! Hahaha!!!)

My husband had gone camping with some friends. In the snow. By the time it was Sunday, I had begun having thoughts about a group of people found frozen to death in their tents when he walked in the door. I married a crazy man, I have come to realize.

OC carried out her sweet homecoming plan, although I don't remember any running in place. The cats did not share her exuberance, but then again, they never have.

Friday, March 28, 2008

Check it Out, Martha: THIS is Living

It's Friday night, and it worked out that I am home alone. My family has gone to do other things and I have 24-plus hours to myself. This is a good thing when you get to be my age. So. What to do?

Yesterday, I went grocery shopping to stock up on supplies and it seemed as though I was buying things as though my parents were leaving me home alone, albeit with a few upgrades to purchasing power: organic gluten-free rice and bean chips, all natural Breyer's ice cream, a couple of types of Ben & Jerry's, myzithra cheese to make Spaghetti a la Homer, etc.

I went for a walk this afternoon. I would have gone running but I'm trying to heal an old injury in my leg and if I had gone running all that would have happened was I would be spending the evening hobbling around like an older-than-what-I-am year old. I walked for as long as I could stand it but it was absolutely freezing outside. The wind was relentless! Back home I went after about 20 minutes.

I had a healthy dinner, then, broke open the chips and ice cream! (Yes, unbelievably, this got me excited.) Except, since my walk was so short I could feel the calories enter my body and immediately meld to my thighs and butt. Ick. I did a few sets of push-ups and sit-ups to offset this unsavory occurence, followed by a smaller dish of ice cream of a different flavor. Then more push-ups and sit-ups.

When I was 16, I don't remember feeling that I had to immediately exercise away the calories. But then again, that was a long time ago. Maybe I'm not remembering correctly.

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

This is For My Mom

I know that everyone and their mother will have already seen this because it was linked from an uber-popular blog, a blog which I love. But, my mom hasn't seen it and so I link to it in order to share the joy.

It is the most hilarious bit of parenting advice in the form of visual aids I have seen, possibly, ever. Prepare to wet your pants. It is that funny.

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Taking Things Too Far

I watched a video recommended by another blogger which was about life from a dog's point of view. I liked it so much I watched another one by the same people, Futureshorts.

The moral of the story is: Be careful when you think you have a great idea for a practical joke. Holy cow! Observe.

This is the video about the dog. Very sweet. I liked it, and I am a cat person.

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Here, Hold This For a Sec

I feel like the weight of the world is off of my shoulders now that my math final is done. Call me Heracles - or Hercules if you prefer the Roman version - because I've just tricked Atlas in order to give back to him the earth and sky. Ancient mythological sucker!

What will I do now? I don't know, let's think about that. I could read a book without thinking about the homework I should be doing instead. I could knit the hat I started for my husband back in aught-seven without thinking about the homework I should be doing instead. I could watch whatever Netflix has sent without thinking about the homework I should be doing instead. I could write, anytime, and now that I mention it I really need to do that since I've been late the last couple of times with the deadline. Editors don't really like it when you do that. I could do anything now that I've sent the homework monkey packing.

It's spring break! I'm a college student! I should be planning my trip to Cancun or Cabo, packing lightly and then drinking heavily. That is not my reality. My family might object to such behavior. And now that I think about it that's not my idea of fun things to do while Mexico. That list would involve much more reading and sitting by a quiet swimming pool than it would loud partying with strangers. That's what being a grown-up is, I guess, sedate activities while fully-clothed.

That's not to say that being a grown-up is boring. Right at this very moment, I'm trying very hard not to panic because there is no coffee in the house. I need to go deal with that crisis before my head explodes. I've either got to take a shower NOW and go buy a cup, or take a shower NOW and go buy some beans and then come home and make it myself. The former is probably more realistic because I don't have the kind of patience required to perform a multi-step task involved with first buying coffee and then, making it myself. Who am I, if not Paris Hilton's more astute younger sister? Except, the Hilton's have people to do the coffee buying and at the very least, the dealing of the no-coffee-in-the-house-crisis, for them. No, I am more like Paris Hilton's second cousin twice-removed's husband's love-child, having to get by on her own wits to figure out these kinds of things and rise above them. Speaking of which.

Monday, March 17, 2008


I live a non-journalist's life. I look for the texture of ordinary things.
----- Nuala O'Faolain

Bless This House
Bless this house, o Lord, we pray.
Make it safe by night and day.
Bless these walls so firm and stout,
Keeping want and trouble out.
Bless the roof and chimney tall,
Let thy peace lie over all.
Bless the doors that they may prove
Ever open to joy and love.
Bless the windows shining bright,
Letting in God's heavenly light.
Bless the hearth a-blazing there,
With smoke ascending like a prayer.
Bless the people here within...
Keep them pure and free from sin.
Bless us all, that one day, we
May be fit, O lord, to dwell with Thee.

This evening we celebrate St. Patrick and kindle memories of our too-short stay on the Emerald Isle by stuffing our pieholes with baked ham, colcannon, champ, and soda bread. Dessert? Traditional girl scout cookies.

Irish Marriage Blessing
May God be with you and bless you.
May you see your children's children.
May you be poor in misfortunes
and rich in blessings.
May you know nothing but happiness
from this day forward.

A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal.
----- Oscar Wilde

I am not young enough to know everything.
----- Oscar Wilde

The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is never any use to oneself.
----- Oscar Wilde

An Irish Prayer
May God give you...
For every storm, a rainbow,
For every tear, a smile,
For every care, a promise,
And a blessing in each trial.
For every problem life sends,
A faithful friend to share,
For every sigh, a sweet song,
And an answer for each prayer.

Every action of our lives touches on some chord that will vibrate in eternity.
----- Sean O'Casey

Irish blessings and prayers are sweet and hopeful. I especially like this one:

May the blessing of the rain be on you—
the soft sweet rain.
May it fall upon your spirit
so that all the little flowers may spring up,
and shed their sweetness on the air.
May the blessing of the great rains be on you,
may they beat upon your spirit
and wash it fair and clean,
and leave there many a shining pool
where the blue of heaven shines,
and sometimes a star.

Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try again. Fail again. Fail better.
-----Samuel Beckett, "Worstward Ho", 1983

Vladimir: That passed the time.
Estragon: It would have passed in any case.
Vladimir: Yes, but not so rapidly.
----- Samuel Beckett, Waiting for Godot (1955)

The Ireland I now inhabit is one that these Irish contemporaries have helped to imagine.
----- Seamus Heaney

Happy St. Patrick's Day.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

For Your Information

Hello, Dutch Brothers barista. If I wanted you in my car, I'd ask you out on a date. As it turns out, I don't, so when the music inside your place of employment is at the volume that it requires you lean out of the window so far as to invade my personal space as I sit inside my vehicle, I'm just going to go out on a limb here and suggest you turn it the hell down. Let me also add that while I applaud your efforts to correctly interpret my very important beverage order, my appreciation dives in direct proportion to your proximity to my person. You seem nice, but no, I don't want to chat about my day or what I've been up to. I just thought you would want to know.

Furniture store clerk: I love your store! However, I do not love the way you chit chat with me while I'm trying to look at your fine goods. I have a seven-year old, I do enough listening as it is. I'm happy to listen to my seven-year old, I draw the line at spending inordinate amounts of what should be happy shopping time listening to a stranger go on and on when I can see perfectly well for myself and prefer to do just that in peace and quiet. When I have a question, you have my sacred word spoken on a stack of Bibles that I will approach you and ask. Until then, please, for the love of god, shut up.

I saw a truck today which seemed to be an installation company of decks, patios, landscape, and sannas. I'm guessing they meant to say sauna, but who knows? Maybe there is some new thing called a sanna and while I don't know what that is, I want to find out. If they did in fact mean to say sauna, somebody didn't get their money's worth at the sign shop.

Occidental Tourist out.

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

The First of Many

Guess who said what this morning in the following conversation, as OC and I discussed her choice of clothing.

"Are you wearing your play jeans?"


"Do they have holes in the knees?"

*impish smile, which means yes

"You look like a.....a....what is the word?"


"Give me a minute. I'll think of it."


"Your minute is up."

"You look like a...why do I want to say flower, or muffin?"


*checks thesaurus

"A guttersnipe? Tatterdemalion? I've never heard of those. Wait, muffin was close. Ragamuffin! That's it. You look like a ragamuffin. Oliver Twist. Please sir, can I have some more?"

"Whaaaaat?!?" takes bowl away

The girl thinks quickly, I'll give her that.

Friday, March 07, 2008

Science Friday

Your Love Element Is Metal

In love, you inspire and respect your partner.

For you, love is all about fusing together for one incredible life experience. You attract others with wit and a bit of flash.

Your flirting style is defined by making others want and value you. Greatness and optimism are the cornerstones of your love life.

You may let go too easily, but you never get weighed down by your past.

You connect best with: Earth
Avoid: Fire

You and another Metal element: will control and smother each other.

I would guess my husband's "love element" to be fire. Maybe? Have a nice weekend.

Thursday, March 06, 2008


I've added a poll in the margin. To clear matters, I am fishing for respondents who are regular attendees of Girl's Weekend with me. If you are not, please do not mess with my mind in this manner.

In other news, school is hard. Now, I will eat cookies. Good bye.

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Oh the Things You Will Read

It's Dr. Seuss week at OC's school, like a lot of schools, which is great because it's fun to reread Green Eggs and Ham. I read it twice this morning to two different children. It's a great book. And now I'm good for the year.

OC wanted to go to a Dr. Seuss event at the city library this week, so off we went, and on a school night! How crazy. There was a Dr. Seuss movie - "Horton Hears a Who" - and a Dr. Seuss craft - Cat in the Hat headband - and a few songs. The story goes that Dr. Seuss didn't give his permission to have a certain poem put to music and so someone changed it enough to be original and called it something, something Waltzing with a Bear....something. And there was actual dancing with a stuffed, life-size bear. OC loved it. Especially the cookies and milk afterward. That's my girl!

After the party, we went to the children's section of the library which she had never seen. She's been to the Redmond library many times, but not the Bend library. I know, she's a deprived child. We found the section of books in her reading level, and she gasped, and I quote: "Oh, my gosh! I am seriously going crazy!"

No lie. That's what she said. She began grabbing at books, gasping again when she found the Magic Tree House and then the Weather Fairies series; thrilled to see many, many new titles. Bend is a bigger library and so there were quite a few more books to choose from. We left with a couple dozen paperbacks.

OC needs to be reminded again and again to do certain things. She easily loses focus, talks a lot, and really, really hates to quit playing something fun when bedtime sneaks up too quickly. But she likes to read. I'm completely thrilled that we share this trait, along with our eye color and overdeveloped sense of excitement over Girl Scout cookie time. I hope it sticks.