Friday, January 27, 2006

Tell Me I'm Not the Only One

This morning was terrible. OC woke up and seemed happy. When we got to school, I realized I forgot her lunchbox in the car. I went back to get it, and when I got back the look on her face was odd. I asked her what was wrong, and her face got redder and redder until she burst into tears. She buried her head in my jacket, and cried and cried and cried, that type of hard crying that makes you gasp for air. The only thing I could get her to say about why she was feeling this way was because she missed grandpa. I said, "I know, I's okay..." but I really didn't know what else to say.

I brushed her hair, tried to get her to eat, but all she would do was cry. Twenty minutes later, I handed her off to her teacher because I really had to go to work. She was still crying when I walked out the door, although her teacher was walking her over to get her interested in something else. The other children were patting OC's back, telling her it was okay. When I left, a few of them were looking at me as if they were wondering why I was leaving my child when she was crying like that. Maybe I just imagined that part, but it sure looked like that's what they were thinking.

Oh, God. I feel awful.

Most days are okay. She is well, happy, and excited to go to school. Not today. Today it was really hard to walk away. I don't feel good about it at all.

Earlier this week, she stayed home with my mom who was visiting. They were both sick, so it was nice that they could stay home together. She was still pretty sick so OH stayed home with her most of Wednesday. I left work as early as I could to meet him because he had something he really needed to finish at his office. I could only leave an hour early, whoopdefreakingdo.

Yesterday, she had a doctor's appointment for a checkup but also to see about this cough. She got a shot for her checkup, and the cough is a virus which should go away in 7 days, although the cough may last longer.

I just called to check on her, she is doing fine. I talked to her teacher who said it took her a few minutes to recover after I left, but she's into school and is actually being really helpful.

So why do I feel so bad?

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