Monday, December 04, 2006

Captain's Log

Stardate: 2006

Location: Volkswagen car dealership

A woman and her child arrive at the appointed time to have scheduled maintenance performed.

"No," says the man, "we cannot fit you in today. So sorry. Come back next week."

"But, I have an appointment! You suck!"

"Yes, indeed madame, but that doesn't change the fact that we won't be servicing your vehicle today."

"Make it better or I'll cry."

"Allright, you've talked me into it. I'll reschedule you for next Monday, and in order to keep the car 24 hours to make sure we can get the work finished I'll provide you with a rental car free of charge. We are inept, but then again we overcharge for our services, so it all works out in the end."

"You are the weakest link. GOOD BYE!"

Cut to dealership waiting room, 15 minutes later

"Enterprise, who is waiting for a rental car?"

"That's us!" I look at my bag, purse, car seat, and cat litter box. Carting around a 28 pound box of cat litter seems to scream 'This woman does her errands in the wrong order'. I felt an explanation was in order, but I was not in the mood.

The nice Enterprise lady helps me by carrying the cat litter. Ha! Little does she know that when we return the car, I will have a bag of cat food!

We are driven to rental car agency along with another nice couple from Washington who's brand new car crapped out on them on their way back from the beach. It was not a Volkswagen. They have a dog, which OC likes to pet.

We wait 10 minutes or so before the man says, "Okay! Let's head out to the minivan!"

"Um," I say, hesitantly, while looking at the seven passenger minivan he is about to give me for my temporary use for myself and my child. "Do you have anything smaller?"

"Why no! Well, not that is ready right now, and I didn't think you'd want to wait."

Damn, he's good.

"Okay. We're getting the minivan!"

"Hooray!" Says OC.


* * * * * * * * * * * * *

A minivan. A seven passenger minivan. And me without my five children! Of course, OC wanted to sit in the waaaaaay back. She was so far back that I couldn't hand her things, like a bottle of water. I had to throw it to her. I swear there was an echo in that thing.

I liked the automatic doors. I can see why people buy them, it's so convenient to get the kids in and out. You're up higher and can see all around. I really felt like I was in a captain's chair, and where was Scotty?

Damn it, Jim! I'm a doctor on a tv show, not your personal puppet!

Oh, brother.

The entire 24 hours we had the minivan, it was just OC and I. I thought about calling people I knew to see if their kids needed a ride somewhere, but they didn't. What a waste of all that passenger space.

Captain Out.


Anonymous said...

Oh, too funny. "Carting around a 28 pound box of cat litter seems to scream 'This woman does her errands in the wrong order'. "

Yesterday I decided it would be a good idea to clean out the trunk of my car before we went to the grocery store. Contents included a cooler that I put there in April, a pair of brown satin slingback heels (sans box), an open box of 24 fruit snacks, and two shadowboxes that I bought for a project, uh, three months ago.

All that was missing from my trunk was the 28-pound box of cat litter.

Anonymous said...

Funny, so very very funny! Cat litter! heh heh!

I love my minivan. And I have one child. I would live in it if Mr. Chicken would let me.

Maybe HE should live in it.

Kristin said...

I love when my kids are in the 3rd row of my car... I just say, "I can't hear you, sweetie" and turn up the music.

This post cracked me up!!

marnie said...

You should have taken a spur of the moment road trip and camped in the van. Oh how much fun for OC would that have been? Not-so-much fun for you, I'd bet.

Anonymous said...

I had to drive my in-laws mini vans. It felt weird. Like I needed a mustache or something - can't explain it.

BTW- You've been tagged for the Chicken and Cheese Meme (off my site now)

Anonymous said...

Too are brave. Last time I flew to PDX they tried to give me a van. No way!