Extractive Personality

Most people change their phone's generic voicemail message to a personalized greeting. I appreciate that. I would like someone to produce an accounting for how much time is lost listening to the infernal standard greeting, the one which gives 45 options of things you might want to do instead of leaving a message. My guess would be that the number would be so high we would all be in danger of falling into a deep depression over it. The economy could turn around if only it weren't for the lost productivity and entrepreneurship.

No matter how soothing the voice, my veins shrink to half their original circumference and years come off my life as atherosclerosis sets in my cardiopulminary system every time I hear, "If you want to send a fax, press star. If you want to leave a callback number, press 45." Calls have been dropped from cell phones while drivers cross states, waiting to get through the endless options. "If you want to leave a number but not a message, press 17. If you want to hear an impression of your favorite Jewish comedian, press 18. If you want to hear an impression of your favorite gentile comedian, press 19...." There is relief when the beep finally does give way to expression. I'm calling someone on the phone! If they can't answer, I want to leave a message! What I don't want is to have other options. The only other option is to hang up and then have that aneurysm in private, because that is the only possible conclusion to what is a grandly stultifying experience. Type A personalities do not have an easy life.

These are the moments the zen Buddhist tradition was made to counteract. I wish I knew something about the zen Buddhist tradition.

Something that was extremely satisfying to me was when I cleaned my keyboard. I spent an inordinate amount of time on the phone today, mostly catching up with friends I have, through no fault of their own, ignored for months. I didn't mean to ignore them, it was completely something I was going through. Call it a hedgehog phase, where all I wanted was to curl up on a ball an be left alone. The requirement of such mature behavior is to call people you care about and explain yourself, so that hopefully they won't give up on being your friend.

While I was on the phone - this is the extraction part - I noticed my keyboard had cat hairs here and there. I pulled those away and looked more closely. The cat hair was only the tip of the iceberg. Underneath the cat hair was a layer of lint, lintberg? tiny little lint bunnies hanging out behind the "d" and "v" and most of the keys. I tried to get at them with a pencil, but the tip wasn't long enough. Using the pencil was like popping a zit that you just KNOW goes much deeper than the initial bloop of release yielded. There was more lint, and I could see it but not reach it. I found a sewing needle and used the blunt end to poke around and pull out little balls of lint and cathair. I do not have words for the way it made me feel, but suffice it to say that "orgasmic" would not be an overstatement. "Satisfying" is too benign, although it was satisfying. I am having trouble finding the exact adjective. What comes to mind is that it might be like the experience of a dermatologist, excising the bacteria fouling a tiny pore, and then performing the excision one at a time, over and over, until the entire visage is free of contaminants.

Well, that was a whole paragraph of writing which will not go into the writing portfolio. I'd like to say I could attribute it to drunkenness, but no. I don't think blogging sober is very zen, but it was the best I could come up with.

You Got a Problem With That?

Yeah, I said "buttery prose". Robert DeNiro was on "Sesame Street" the other day talking with Elmo. It's just that kind of a world.

Has anyone watched any good movies lately? Or is there no one reading this anymore?

I ask a lot, I know. To write whatever I want, publish them for the world to see, and then demand feedback after not posting for weeks and weeks.

The new year's going allright. Everyone's healthy and not missing a limb and for that I am grateful. By other standards, it's okay. School is going well for my daughter, work is changing a bit for my husband, and both are good. For me, I'm a bit disappointed with one of my classes and therefore have lost some motivation to work hard. That is a bad thing. I am working on it.

I have a paper due tomorrow and I feel as though I (or anyone) could throw a few words on a page and get an A. The class is supposed to be about the methods of studying a particular subject, but we spend an awful lot of time in class listening to anecdotes. We listen to the nuts and bolts of history, then are supposed to write about a particular force - continuity, change, etc. - that it feels disconnected. It feels like something is missing. That drive me nuts. When I feel as though I could teach the class better than the instructor, that is not a good thing. I felt that way in Math 111 last year. Focused class lectures with clear learning objectives help students immensely. I don't like paying to teach myself.

The snow is piling up. We have 5 inches. I'm planning to cross country ski today for a workout. I am going to imagine my frustration evaporating in that wintery forestland and come back with nothing to complain about.

Quote: Creativity

"Very few creative events flow as effortlessly and regularly as one of Johann Sebastian Bach's Brandenburg concertos. More often, they are characterized by the stops and starts, triumphs, reversals, sacrifices, and innovative choices, as the story of Rachel the shepherdess [from the Old Testament]. The story remorselessly clocks the ups and downs of any creative process, which characteristically contain stages of ambiguity, imperfection, discomfort, and sacrifice. It quietly demonstrates how the experience of creative achievement does not have to occur consistently through a project or process in order to achieve a desired result. Constant satisfaction is not an indicator of an ultimately satisfactory result. More usually, our most cherished creations withstand and even benefit from a little weathering.

In the first impulse to [begin a project] we are lightening and honey happy; madly in love. We have the strength to move any stone tablet from the top of a well single-handed. When the first flush fades, the reality sets in, and reversals of fortune, and inexplicable sacrifices and compromises, frustrations, disappointments, realizations of our own shortcomings and inadequacies, long lulls, patience, serenity, become almost routine...Having the courage to dispatch stop-and-go circumstances such as these with a soft yet measured heart is a formula that more realistically expresses the optimal progress of creativity and love...

And the setbacks temper the love, and the creativity, and the final product, rather than destroying it. The softness and the ability to be both gentle and bold yields fertile results. When we knit we can access some of these feelings. We work slowly while, to the untrained eye, life apparently passes us by. But we know better."

-----The Knitting Goddess, by Deborah Bergman

The book is full of stories, myths, and wisdom. Oh, and there are knitting patterns, but the real joy is the writing. If you're in the mood, it washes over you in the way only some books can, filling the dry cracks of your soul in a smoothing, buttery prose.

Cinema

I sometimes cannot believe the things I feel compelled to share. The last post, for instance. Why? Why must I write such things? I do not have any idea. In order that it may be pushed down the page and therefore out of mind, I offer to share, as change of pace, recent movie rentals you might consider.

It seems I am in my Kryzystof Kieslowski phase, because this director has made all of these I am going to list here now:

"Blue"

"White"

"Red"

(see them in that order, it's a trilogy)

"The Double Life of Veronique"

The cinematography for "Blue" and "Veronique" are absolutely exquisite. If you like color and interesting camera angles, these are especially good. Maybe you are like me: you like them but you didn't know you did. I understand.

Otherwise, still there is school and cold and kitty poop. Skiing at Hoodoo has been a lot more fun since we discovered the "other" side, where there are not a million people in line and there are easy runs.

Watch those and tell me what you thought.

Bellevue Isn't Just For Santy Claus

Remember the scene in "Indecent Proposal" when Demi Moore's character rolls around naked on the bed with her million dollars? I was in the college library yesterday when the same urge overwhelmed me. All of those titles! All of that ancient history! To be surrounded by knowledge, skin-to-page with good writing, absorbing it by osmosis...

Now you know I am certifiably nutso.

I love my history class. It is historiography, or, the study of history. What the heck? Does it sound like a lot of liberal arts, social science clap-trap designed to get more tuition money without really teaching anything? Au contraire mon rossignol! It's fantastic. We get to read articles about entirely different subjects in history and then write a response paper based on an aspect of historical study. Is it a reconstruction? Is it about unexpected developments? What about causation? How does new technology affect life and society? This is the kind of thing that floats my canoe.

Happy New Year!

2009 already? I expected to kiss my sweetie and ring in the new year properly. Except, I fell alseep watching a movie and so I went to bed for what was to be a two-hour nap. What really happened was, I hauled my aching behind to bed at 9:30 and did not stir until 2009 had been here for seven hours.

We're up in McCall, Idaho with my mom. Winter is a great time to get away, even though the travel can suck. We drove, in order to bring all of our skis and to have a four-wheel drive vehicle here, and had compliant weather to do so. After an afternoon and overnight in Boise, we are in McCall for the duration of the week.

It's beautiful here! The edges of the lake are snow-covered, the dock is piled high with snow. Four or five deer have been in the yard, where there is a pine tree under which they've taken shelter. I'll have pictures after I get home and download them, blahblahblah, technical claptrap.

Yesterday, we skiied at Brundage. It took me most of the day to get confident on the Bear run, but I finally did. We started at 9:30 am, and finished at 4 pm. We were all exhausted after that. My husband has found renewed energy with the new year, and has headed out to cross country ski with the sunrise this morning. He is nuts! But I love him.

The Occidental Tourist soldiers on.

Happy New Year!

My Daughter, the Card

(Sound of back door opening)

ME: "Natalie? Where are you?"

HER: "I'm over here."

(sound of back door closing.)

ME: "What are you doing?"

HER: "Giving the kitty an outdoor recess."

Monday, Monday

It's happened again. Remember this? I couldn't find the other entry, but it happened TWICE, in two short years. Time number three happened last Friday. I cannot believe my coffeepot is broken....AGAIN!!!

Anyway. Finals week this week. I'm studying madly and also, knitting. Too bad I'm not enrolled in a college class called, "Hand-knit hats" because I'd be doing very, very well in it.

Did you take the American History test? It's more fun than a two-hour Swedish massage. Not buying it? It is more fun than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick, but it also depends upon your feelings toward history. With that, I take my leave. I gots ta study sum more.

American History

Are you more knowledgeable than the average citizen? After being forwarded one of those ubiquitous internet quizzes, I found this one to be more substantial than most. Instead of discovering whether I was more like a cinnamon raisin bagel or sesame seed, this one is designed to discover how ignorant I am (or am not) to the construct and governance in my own country. More information here.

The quiz contains 33 questions designed to measure knowledge of America’s founding principles, political history, international relations, and market economy. Americans from all age groups, income brackets, and political ideologies fail the test of civic literacy.

• Americans age 25 to 34 score an average of 46% on the exam; Americans age 65 and over score 46%.
  
  
• Americans earning an annual income between $30,000 and $50,000 score an average of 46%; Americans earning over $100,000 score 55%.
  
  
• Liberals score an average of 49%; conservatives score 48%.
  
  
• Americans who go to church once a week score an average of 48%; Americans who never go to church score 50%.
  

The average score for all 2,508 Americans taking the following test was 49%; college educators scored 55%.

I know those are a lot of percentages and measures, but here is one more: I personally answered 26 out of 33 correctly — 78.79 %. It's a good thing I am in college, then. Can you do better?

TAKE THE QUIZ

There Are Advantages To Being An Adult, and Wisdom is One of Them

Regret is the other. HAHAHAHA! This is not a lament. I want to talk to those of you that are in high school right now. If you are older than that, disregard. You already know what I'm about to say.

My daughter is seven years old with her whole life ahead of her (a condition we all enjoy, actually). It is easy to look at someone so young and see possibilities that somehow didn't show themselves or that we missed when we were young. My wisdom, in advice form, is this:

Go to college when you are young. It doesn't matter that you don't know what you want to study, that you don't have the money, or other excuses. The truth is, college will never be cheaper than it is right now. Scholarships, grants and loans are available. If you want to go to college, don't let anything stand in your way. GO NOW. If you think it's hard now, wait until you are older, with kids, a job, a spouse, a house, pets, what else? Life is full of responsibilities, but make it a bit easier on yourself and don't put off college for tomorrow when you can go today. You won't regret it.

Thirty Five

It's not official until 11:06 am, but, I'm thirty five.

Thirty-fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive.

My daughter is walking around in a tank top, long john pants, and ski boots. We may presume she is excited to go skiing. The fashionista wanted pancakes for breakfast, no! Scones! But that will have to wait until tomorrow. It's my birthday and I'll not cook if I want to.

My husband is taking me out for coffee this morning, after the ski bunny is off to school. I wonder if I should wear the big tiara or the small?*

That's all that's happened so far.


*I don't own a tiara, but I'm beginning to wonder why not.

Birthday Eve

Ce soir, j'ai trente-quatre ans. Mon anniversaire c'est 14 novembre.

This is what I did today:

1. Language lessons with OC. It's school before she goes to school. I am a waaaay fun mom.

2. Laundry. Hmm, you would think I would have a more glamourous day planned. Wait! It gets better.

3. Three mile run. Makes me sweaty and smelly, also muscle-y and hungry.

4. Ate breakfast: bagel with butter and honey, lotsa coffee.

5. Studied French.

6. Picked up OC from school.

7. Cooked vegetable rice dish with Swiss chard which turned rice purple. And, it was good.

8. French class.

9. Picked up OC's skis from GI Joe's. Girl is going to have a good season with her own used boots and skis. Mama will have to look away as she flies past trees which look to me as deathtraps, but to her are merely scenery on her way smoking her parents down the hill.

10. Home, to clean up after dinner. (???)

11. Salute to French wine with bottle of red. Excuse me, I mean, rouge.

Bon nuit!

Atomic Cocktail

Autumn is a welcome season when you've got a bee in your bonnet to roast something. I like to bake chicken or roast some beef and vegetables, but who wants to do that in the hot summer?

An added benefit is extra heat in the kitchen. "No, honey, I didn't turn on the heat. It's from the housewife's dream: the oven!"

Pardon me, I've just watched "Atomic Cafe" and I have 1950's-itis. It's a documentary made from film reels of the era put out from different sources. There are government information films, army training films, news reports, interviews....all kinds of things. The decade was that of the American dream, freedom and independence, but it was clouded by the real threat of nuclear attack during the Cold War. No wonder one man advises the public to stock their fallout shelters with tranquilizers! Non-narcotic, if you please, and about 100 for a family of four oughtta do.

Speaking of which, my history paper's due date was pushed back one week. Let's all put on our pearls and have a martini to celebrate, shall we?

One Expensive Book Club

Woe to my savings account: I think I could go to college forever!

I have always loved school. I was the pig-tailed girl who skipped to class, followed the rules for the classroom (except for that bullshit, no-talking one) and got started on homework as soon as I got home in the afternoon. I liked most subjects, except for diagramming sentences, which completely sucked the fun out of the English language.

The ten-year hiatus from college was, in hindsight, regrettable. The costs have only increased and I am not getting any younger. It is hard to find the time to get all of my studying done, with a house, two geriatric cats, a daughter, and a husband.

I heard a wise man say once that if a certain something wonderful had happened any earlier in his life, he knew he wouldn't have been ready for it. That "wise man" was my uncle, and the "certain something wonderful" was meeting his biological brothers for the first time after 50 years of not knowing his brothers existed. He told me that if it had happened any earlier in his life, he would likely have refused the offer to meet them. As it happened, he enjoyed a happy reunion with them and a particularly close relationship with my dad for two years before my dad died.

A little perspective is in order when we go around regretting things we did or did not do. I love the movie "Chasing Amy" because it is a reminder that choices we made in the past do not define us today, but they can stand for where we were at the time. Looking back serves as proof for how far we've progressed. We can leave them in the past and go on to be who we are supposed to be.

I am in college now, and that is what is important. I had a wonderful career as a graphic designer which is not necessarily over. I will go on to be a teacher one day, and I will have the chance to bring all of my experiences and skills together at what I trust to be the exact right time. In the meantime, I get to do something I love to do: read books and discuss them with interesting people. It's a hell of an expensive book club, but I am having a great time.

Voulez-vous biore quelque chose?*

My French teacher begins class by asking, What is the date today? (Quel est la date aujourd'huit?) And, What is the day? (Quel est le jour?) I honestly don't know the date most of the time. Day, yes (I am not a pothead), but date as in, number, not necessarily.

I mark time by what is due in each class. Next Monday, for instance, I have a paper due in history class, then I get to go take an economics test. Tomorrow is a day off for Veteran's Day, which is how I know it will be November 11th. Which must mean that today is November 10th. I planned ahead and picked up some non-fiction dvds at the library for OC. Yes, I plan to plunk my kid in front of the tv for a good part of the morning so I can write in uninterrupted silence. So sue me, you litigious recalcitrant! Besides, the non-fiction aspect of the shows will be a learning experience. Neener, neener.

I mentioned that I've been driving more slowly in an effort to conserve gas. I might add that I stay in the right lane. This morning, I was in the right lane and flying down the road a steady, cruise-controlled speed of 59 mph when a car behind me flashed their lights as if to request to pass. I could have understood this and responded if I was in the left lane, but I was on a four-lane highway, squarely in the right, slower-vehicles-only lane.

(pause for emphasis)

There was a truck matching my speed in the left lane, and that truck clearly should have passed post haste. Inappropriate Lightflasher guy should have been doing so to the truck! I avoided road rage because I am all about level-headedness, but I did not adjust my speed. Eventually the truck passed and Inappropriate Lightflasher passed on the left.

When we arrived in Bend, Inappropriate Lightflasher turned into the SHOPPING MALL. I may not know the specific date each and every day, but I do know that Christmas is a good six weeks away. I could not understand the shopping emergency that necessitated such an insistent need to pass, and believe me, I can understand the concept of a shopping emergency with the best of them. I think I AM the best of them when it comes to a therapeutic retail experience. Just, could you get off my back about it? I was SO NOT IN YOUR WAY.

* Oui. Un verre du vin, s'il vous plait.

I Like School

It's an interesting time to be in a macroeconomics class. Even on a Friday afternoon, I want to go even when it's the only class and therefore the only reason I need to drive all the way to Bend (all 15 miles....whew!).

Everyday we listen to a lecture which follows the book, but inevitably the current economic situation comes up. I like having a professor to interpret certain news reports, government policy, because of the way he puts it into historical perspective. Sort of makes up for having to learn some pretty dry, technical material. I don't want to go into more detail here, because I fear stirring up some heartfelt controversy, or devolving into politics - blech - but I did want to mention it. There, I said it. I like economics! Not the current times, but in general.

Tonight is movie night. On deck is "Ice Princess" for OC, and "Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day" and "Russian Dolls" for moi. The last title is a foreign film, a follow up to the very good "L'auberge Espagnol" (The Spanish Apartment).

There's something about being in college as an adult. You are supposed to be more responsible, to know how to study, to get better grades. I definitely feel this pressure and most of it comes from myself, to myself. School takes up a large amount of time, and I really look forward to downtime now. I am failing at coming up with a neat ending to this post.....so.....have a good weekend.

Quickie

It has snowed. I left history class yesterday and walked out into it.

School is keeping me very busy. I love it, but there is so much to do. The last paper I wrote took forever because I fiddled with the format for so long before finally settling and getting it done.

The weather has me way into creation mode. It's cold, must...make...hats!

Exposition

I am still running a few days a week, but that's been easy with relatively mild weather. I wonder how long it will be before I find enough excuses to stay inside?

Being self-motivated is great, but it won't last. I'll have to find a friend to either run with, or to go on a hike with once a week to break up the routine. I hear Pilot Butte is quite the haul.

I love to run, but I don't love it enough to want to do it every day. There are too many books and movies to read and watch, and it all takes time. I want to stay in shape and fit into my clothes, and I want to be healthy. I also want to improve my Butte-to-Butte times, if you please, but there are no marathon plans in my future.

I went running today, a 26-minute tempo run. Tomorrow, I may hike at Smith Rock in the morning, or maybe go to Pilot Butte in Bend. I may not do either, as I have to get ready to attend a wedding out of town where my husband is in the wedding party, so we have to show up early for the rehearsal dinner. Oh, darn, that means I'll have to get new boots! Life is hard.

These Are The Things That Row My Boat

My car has this feature to do with gas mileage. You can switch between viewing your current gas mileage, how many miles you have left to drive on the tank of gas, see the last average mpg you achieved, and one other that I can't remember. I usually use the setting to see how many miles I have left on the tank of gas, mostly because it doesn't shift crazily like the setting for current gas mileage. Although that's a fun one, too, because when you let off the gas and coast you can get 99 mpg until the readout shows ----. Score! Now, if only I could coast everywhere I had to go....no more gas price crisis!

I've been experimenting a bit. It might not even work, but I've been driving back and forth to Bend every day and I set my cruise control at about 2,000 rpms. That's usually about 54 - 57 mph. I like to watch the gauge go up as I drive. Last night, after I'd driven up that monster hill to the college, the gauge read 320 miles left on the tank. When I'd reached the parkway, I drove 45 mph until I got out of town and upped it to about 56 mph. I listened to French language cd's and by the time I reached Redmond, the gauge had climbed to 345 miles left on the tank.

I also like to return library books and then go home and log on to my account to see if they've been received.

I know. Fun, right?

Bad Times

The Redmond Maui Wowi coffee shop has closed its doors. The Eugene classical music station is having their fundraiser this week and still needs to raise $30,000 by tomorrow evening. Parking at the COCC/OSU-Cascades campus is difficult because enrollment is off the charts. When economic times are hard, people tend to go to school. With all of these indicators, it's easy to see the times are really hard. It's not Great Depression hard, but still.

I listen to the classical music station because it's great music to read by since there is usually not a lot of talking. The exception is during pledge week when the announcers tell us sadly, and somewhat chidingly, that the phone lines are not ringing. I had to call earlier this week after an announcer kept saying this, so I guess it's a strategy that works. He'd play another music selection, then come back on air to talk about how much money they still needed, give the phone numbers, and then sadly report that no phones were ringing. He went on to say that volunteers were not eating the donated pastries because they felt bad that they weren't taking phone calls for pledges. It wasn't a box of homeless kittens, but it made me nearly as sad.

My school schedule is not too tough, except when things coincide. I've had a French quiz and an economics test back to back. Next week (I think) will be our comparative analysis papers in history class. I don't know exactly what that involves, but I'll find out soon enough. I keep waiting for people to point at me and say, "You don't belong in a 400-level class, you mere Associate's Degree-haver!" What is with me?