Thursday, October 27, 2005


The last time OC saw her father was August 25th. Since that time he has missed all of his regular weekends, and he has not called her. Not even once.

She is handling this time lag much better than ever before, outwardly, but I know it hurts her. I don't know if she's angry, or just sad. I don't know for sure what this is doing to her. I hate that I can't control it, and that I can't fix it for her.

The one thing I can do, I did: I married a man who loves her almost as much as I do. Frankly, no one can love her as much as I do. But he comes pretty close.

The thing is, kids still love their parents, almost no matter what rotten things the parents do. Especially young children. I know OC loves her biological dad, even if he acts selfish and doesn't think of her first. She talks about him several times a week, saying that they did this, he said that, etc.

OH asked me last night if I had thought of adoption, meaning, of him adopting OC. I said that I had. He said he can't imagine how a person could go for two months without seeing their own child. I can't say I understand it, either. This is one of the reasons why I'm divorced.

OH said he is taking on the role of her father, and sees her more than her biological father does. He's right. The question is, what to do now? Do I begin the process of terminating parental rights, and have OH adopt OC? That would be wonderful, absolutely, but how will OC feel about this? And, when is it the right thing to do?

Since I'm the type to think about all sides of things, the ramifications on one another of all sides of things, the impact the ramifications will have on all sides of things, and the implications of the ramifications and impact on all sides of all things, this is not going to be worked out anytime soon. I don't even know how I feel about the whole thing, except grateful that OH loves OC so darn much. I already consider him her father, so the feeling is there for me. I think he does, too. I have not lost site of the fact that it is at the same time, both a sacrifice and an honor for OH to have a step-child. It's a big responsibility, but one that comes with exponential rewards.

In my family, things were interesting. I had a biological father who didn't miss a weekend, but who was weird and depressed and so we're not close. I had a step-father who I loved very much, and respected very much. I felt as though I had two dads, although one was much more highly functioning, warm, caring, and "normal" than the other. Thank goodness for that.

I wasn't adopted by my step-father, mainly out of respect for bio dad's feelings. But my feelings were, I had a biological father, but I also had a dad. He didn't have to adopt me in order to feel this way about him.

And then there's the birth certificate. Does that get altered? The reason I ask is that I am into genealogy, and I think birth certificates should reflect just that. That doesn't have to do with feelings, it's a vital statistic.

Anyway, I'm all over the place here. This just came up, so my thoughts aren't very well organized. What I do know right now is that OH is an involved, caring father and loves OC very much. I care about his feelings, and I want to do what's best for OC, in all things.

That's a start, but as far as I am right now.

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