Lightness and Darkness, Red and White

Today in yoga class the instructor talked about yin and yang, and how the light parts and dark parts are in a constant cycle of change into one another. She was talking about how there is no way to not be a part of the violence in life. Let's say you stop eating meat as a way to not be a part of violence toward animals. Okay, you're a vegetarian. Then you decide to stop eating vegetables as a way to avoid taking part in ending ANY life. Okay, you're a nuts-and-berries-ian. After a while, you may get sick, and the doctor advises you to eat citrus for vitamin c and meat for protein, which goes against your beliefs. At the point you become sick, you're then hurting YOUR life, in an attempt to not harm other life. There is no way to not harm something in life. That's the way life is.

Whoa.

It was a way heavy thought that she kicked out there before moving on to something else less interesting. I wanted her to stay with it and talk about it more, but we were moving on to rotate our shoulders.

Then she talked about how, if we care about not partaking in or perpetuating violence, we cannot avoid it altogether but instead can choose the least violent approach, while being mindful of the balance. We each choose what works for us, with our belief systems and what goal we're working toward at this point in our lives.

It struck me then about how life is all about change. Experiencing both lightness and darkness, and having both in order to appreciate the other. Change is constant rather than sporadic. I remember hearing a sermon once that talked about death not as the end, but as change. To the womb, when a baby is born it is a death from the womb's perspective. That baby no longer exists inside of it. To that baby and the parents, it is the beginning of new life. When a person dies, everyone around sees it as an end. To the person who dies, it is a simply a change from existing in the physical world to existing in the metaphysical of heaven or hell, or the like, depending upon your beliefs.

I have a terrible time with change, especially when I arrive someplace and am happy. It is particularly hard to understand WHY THERE MUST BE MORE CHANGE. (No seriously, WHY???) Good grief! When are things going to be the way I want them to be? Why can't they stay that way? What's wrong with that???

I remember reading in Eat, Pray, Love that the author gets advice from a friend who says something like, "You know Liz, you're allowed to say what you want, too. You don't have to just be passive and be grateful for whatever comes your way."

Yes! That's true! I like that. Right now I am offering up my opinions to G-d and the Universe, while also trying my hardest to be open and accepting of change EVEN IF I DON'T LIKE HOW IT FEELS. Because G-d cares about me, what I think is important, too. It's a balance between what I know, what I think I know, and what is planned for me. That's what I believe, anyway.

Some days, I can be more accepting than other days. On the Other Days, a good bottle of wine helps me forget my shortcomings.

I've hit my peak with philosophical thinking for today, and it's too early to start drinking so here's a meme. I got if from Lady M, and it goes like this: reach for the nearest book to you and find page 123. Then write the 5th through 8th sentences:

"I want to walk."

The moon was just past full, bright in the indigo sky. Leaving through a side door, I made my way to a bench in a little paved V where two wings of the building came together. I'd left Mike compsed but so exhausted I knew sleep would come fast.

- from The Dive From Clausen's Pier, by Ann Packer. I am still reading Jane Eyre, but I got this out today and intend to reread it. It's fabulous. I remember reading it a couple of years ago and it really resonated with me, about life and choices and all that crazy good/bad stuff.

In other news, I did a slightly inverted pose at yoga today, and now my tummy hurts. You're not supposed to do those during you're period. Now I know why. There was a guy in the class and I was too embarrassed to call the teacher over and ask for a modification while the room was as silent as I imagine a tomb to be. I mean, what if somebody heard me? Then I might die! OMG!

Oh, brother. Next time, I'm asking. I know it was ridiculous to act that way, because guess what? Women have periods! Big deal.

Now the only question left for today is, will tonight's wine be red or white? This is one of my favorite questions, because there is no right or wrong answer. I'll be a part of the violence that ends the life of a bottle of wine. That's violence I can really get behind.