Thursday, November 10, 2005

It's Time For Some Politics

Perhaps nothing in our society can polarize or connect us as much as news and events of the political realm. The word politics is not, on its own, a bad word or even a bad thing. It does, however, have a negative connotation to which it is readily associated, often for good reason.

I proffer one of those good reasons for you today. A situation has come up here in Oregon of a political nature; Nay, a soap opera to put it more truthfully.

Kelley Wirth, a 40-year-old Democrat representing a district in the Oregon House which includes the city of Corvallis, is resigning her seat on November 15th. But not before submitting paperwork quadrupling her spending on staff pay, which include her mother. Her mother, a "legislative assistant" worked for $3,500 a month, and the paperwork would raise her salary to $6,500 a month. The House Minority Leader called the spending completely inappropriate, asking her to rescind the pay raises.

Why is she resigning? Good question. Here's the short version: Because she got run over by a car which was driven by her lover's girlfriend, and then was charged with possession of a controlled substance when a search of the car revealed a small amount of methamphetamine. Just a small amount, though.

Wait, there's more! She was the only legislator to vote against a recent bill before the House which toughened penalties for meth-related crimes. She also voted against two other previous meth-related bills. Coincidence? Um, yeah, NO.

Her lover or, alleged lover, was a 27-year-old janitor at the Capitol. But, he had a girlfriend. Ahh, love triangles can be such a sticky wicket.

This girlfriend, 22, we'll call Crazy Cracker. She did not like her boyfriend taking a lover, so she did what any self-respecting crazy cracker would do: she ran the bitch down with her car. Not only that, but she tried to back up and get a run at her to do it again but the car got hung up on a parking meter.

No, really!

All of this occurred at the State Capitol parking lot, which was a stroke of genius, I think. That way if you planned your attack in the daylight on a busy street you would never, ever get caught! Also, there are never any police at the Capitol! That girl's in jail for attempted murder, due to her brilliant planning and splendid ignorance of good judgment.

Cut to Kelley: while doing a routine inspection of the car after the accident, I mean, attempted murder, the police found what they suspect to be meth in her car. Lab tests aren't back yet, but it looks like meth to the police, people. It was a small amount, so it would be possession of a controlled substance, which is a Class C Felony.

The Janitor said the affair with Wirth had been going on for about 18 months. It began when he returned a missing iPod to Wirth in her House office, he said, and "it just escalated." The Janitor said he was in the process of breaking off the relationship when Wirth called his home last week while he was at work and told the Crazy Cracker who ran her down that "something was going on" between her and The Janitor. The Janitor said that when he returned from work, Crazy Cracker confronted him, and he told her of the affair. The Janitor said that one day, Wirth arrived at his home and demanded to see him. He said Crazy Cracker told her to leave, but Wirth stayed for about 15 minutes, until Crazy Cracker told her she had called the police.
That evening, Crazy Cracker's car struck Wirth in front of the Capitol.

Oh, and Wirth denies the relationship. She also isn't talking publicly yet, although the press is dying to get a statement from her. The Janitor? He's on paid leave from his job.

So Oregon: First there was Tonya, now there is Kelley. Damn. With White Trash making the news like that, it makes us look bad. Trust me, we are not all like that.

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